.. And The Infinite Taste for Travel and Infantile Adventures

Graveyard Rants & 24/7 Heretic Food Carts

Canon QL 19, Neopan 400iso, Aperture: 1.9, Shutter Speed: 250

Finding yourself wandering in the streets ofManilain the middle of the night could sometimes be amusing. Though I’m not the careless type who’ll go to a dark alley with a shitty reputation for muggers, I’m not the guy who is scared of walking three in the morning either.

With all the things that happened in the office that led to the resignation, AWOL and the many other mishaps of my fellow writers (& Editor), I was talked into going graveyard shift. This is the funny thing with the BPO industry. Waking up just to fit the circadian system of our western counterpart, we all pretend to be in one location though we are living in a polar opposite geographic timezone, continent and country. With the accents minimized at all times to keep the hoax appear true and the next thing you know, BPO companies are making sweet cash (and I have websites to do copies to).

Writing could sometimes be both enjoyable and taxing. You write copies for products that you really don’t care and you have no idea, but the best part is, you find a way to make it look like you are giving zero bullshit to your client.

SEO works in a funny way especially in the landing page. I remember looking into this particular candle company’s site. With part of its approved set of keywords including “fleur de lis”, I am expecting that this is a scent of one of his wax candles. With contention over the appearance of “fleur de lis” on his content, 3/300 words to meet the 3% keyword density; he/she kept mumbling that there is no such thing as a scent of fleur de lis on ANY of his products. Well, if you don’t want this keyword to appear in your site, why approve it in the set of keywords submitted to you during the research phase in the first place? Now, if there is truth in the adage “customer is always right”, this is the shittiest tangible example I could think of.

Aside from writing bullshit things about certain products that you expect to flop whether sold online or offline, I can’t help but to poke fun at some of the best and the worst unexpected comedic calls I overhear few feet from my station. As I said, people will pretend to be inTexas,Californiaor whatever state just to seal the deal. If devils are setting up a website of their own, I might be starting to hear Linda Blaire toned sales representatives. Sometimes, the harder they try to eliminate their natural tendency to have a foreign accent compared to an American, the closer they sound to a bird than human.

Going home is the best part of my job (or any other person’s job). I’m the type of guy who sees to it that I work 100% whenever the requests start to come in. When you have a contract that says consultant, it absolves you from the curse of Employer-Employee relationship which simply means you can go to work whenever you want, and leave work whenever you please to leave work. When I leave work, here begins an adventure through the night. Like a zombie attack survivor walking in Atlanta from the Walking Dead graphic novel,Manila’s business sector is an abandoned area by this time.

The good thing with walking in the middle of the night is that you get to see random stores open for 24 hours. Aside from the convenience store, you can see fast food and Siomai stalls scattered around the city, open 24/7.  Like heretics, these owners don’t care if it’s the holy week, Armageddon, or the last minute of mankind.

There was a time when I was headed home when I noticed a Siomai stall open. Everybody that knows me will attest to my infatuation with Siomai. The tasty shrimp and pork rolled into a wrapper and steamed is such a delight especially if you will add chili garlic and a sweet drink to compliment it.  Unlike the people living their day to day grind in the BPO industry, this Siomai lady for the graveyard shift just doesn’t have the circadian system of EST or any other western time zone. I shook her in an effort to wake her up. Like a car twitching for life and letting you down, she just made a funny auto pilot sound and headed straight back to her slumber. In an attempt to get those Siomais into my system, I shook her two more times, this time around more forceful than the first one. When I finally gave up, I just pretend to flick the soy sauce bottle to make a flood of black liquid. So the next thing you see me, I just have a problem when it comes to delayed gratification especially food that I adore..So don’t sleep when I’m around willing to pay for my food, I might get the idea to take off your steamer, that bag of Siomais and those gallons of gulaman!


2 responses

  1. kuleyr

    hilarious. next time, try the traditional “pabili po” line while tapping with a coin. ^-^

    April 24, 2011 at 10:52 am

    • unidentifiedwalkingobject

      That gave me a good idea to knock and annoy her off her sleep next time!

      April 24, 2011 at 3:15 pm

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